Baku’s newest agony uncle is working through the papers on his desk and looking forward to helping you and your friends face up to life and relationship issues. Meet Uncle Frank…
My partner doesn’t wash
I love my partner dearly but I can’t cope with his aversion to soap, water and clean clothing. He wasn’t like this when I first knew him. He lives in my house and helps with the bills but I hate him being in my bed because quite frankly, he smells. The idea of sex with him is abhorrent for the same reason. I’ve tried dropping hints and also just being direct but nothing works. I don’t want to ask him to leave but I will have to if he can’t respect me enough to spend five- minutes a day in the shower. He has enough time to spend four- hours a day in the pub when I’m at work. Any suggestions?
What has changed in your relationship recently? If he has time to spend four-hours a day in the pub, has he lost his job? Depression can cause a person to become introspective to the point that they lose the desire to look after themselves. Is he unwell, under stress or has he made any dramatic changes to his diet? Sometimes one or more of these factors can cause increased body odor. I can see the problem but it may not be his fault. Ask him what’s going on in his life and see if you can spot the problem area. It might be a good idea to suggest he makes an appointment with his GP for a check-up. If all that fails, perhaps you could diplomatically let him know about his B.O., then suggest you shower together and give him a good run down?
Is this normal?
I’ve been seeing a married lady for the last 12 months. When I met her she was very unhappy and sleeping on a camp bed in her daughter’s room. As we grew into our relationship I began to realise what the problem was between her and her husband. He was always putting her down, which was making her unhappy. I suggested that she start sharing the marital bed again. She agreed to try, but the first time was a disaster and she said never again. Eventually they did get things sorted, and she’s started having sex with him on a more regular basis. I’ve told her that if she wants to end our relationship I’ll understand, but she’s adamant that she loves us both and won’t end either relationship. My problem is I’ve become obsessed with her sex life with her husband. Is this normal?
So, you are having an affair with a married woman while counseling her on her sex-life with her husband and now she says she loves you both? No I don’t think this is “normal”. What I wonder, would her husband think if he knew what was going on? It seems to me that you have been exploiting a vulnerable woman and she is now thoroughly confused. You say that you would be happy to give up your relationship with her but are leaving the responsibility to do this in her hands. That is just unfair. I think you know what you should do. Finish the relationship and allow her to rebuild a partnership with her husband.
I drink too much
I’m a 27 year old female and I think I have trouble with alcohol. I don’t drink a lot but when I do; I have too much which causes me to make a show myself up. I don’t know when to stop. Then for days I feel guilty and ashamed. All my self-confidence is lost. I get so down about myself which leaves me feeling depressed. Sometimes I don’t think I deserve to live. I’ve got myself in so many bad situations – I’m very scared about that because I could potentially be putting myself in danger. I’m so paranoid about what people think of me I feel like I need to hide and never come back. I’ve been like this for years and I don’t know how to stop or help myself. It feels like I have no control and that I’m ruining my life. Also I feel embarrassed for my boyfriend. Please can you help?
From your letter, it sounds like you are an intelligent woman and you know what happens to you when you drink. You say you don’t drink a lot but do you actually mean you don’t drink to excess often? If that is the case, you are a “binge” drinker. Binge drinking is not uncommon among women in their twenties and thirties who started clubbing in their late teens. Like smoking, binge drinking is a form of addiction that is associated with a particular environment. Put yourself in a place where lots of people who are drinking and having a good time and you may find that you are at a higher risk of drinking to excess. I don’t suggest avoiding social situations completely but be you might want to have a chat with your local GP and join a support group for recovering binge drinkers.
My girlfriend won’t leave the house
What should I say to my girlfriend if I want us to get out more and she won’t? I can’t convince her to get out of the house. We’ve been together two-years and only really go out and have fun once every five or six months. How can I get her out of the house to have a good night out?
Are you saying that she won’t leave the house to socialise with you or that she doesn’t want to leave the house at all? If she has always been a stay-at-home kind of girl and you are a party-animal, what attracted you to her in the first place? It doesn’t seem like she has changed but your expectations of her seem to have. If that is the case, maybe the two of you should sit down and talk about what you want out of your relationship. The other possibility is that she may suffer from agoraphobia, the morbid fear of being outside a familiar environment. If that is the case she needs to recognise she has a problem and seek help.
In love with a gay woman
I am a straight man in his thirties and I have fallen in love with my female best friend, who happens to be gay. We have been friends since we met four years ago and share lots of interests. We like the same music, the same movies and have even been on holiday together. Last week things came to a head when I finally told her I loved her. We had a big row and she went off in a huff. Now I am devastated. I really want to get back together with her but now she knows I want to be more than “just friends”, I’m not sure this will be possible. Pease help?
We can’t always help who we fall in love with, so I have sympathy for your predicament. Your woman friend sounds great, just the sort of person you would like to have a relationship with but the bottom line is that she is GAY! That means her sexual preference is for someone of the same sex. I think you know this in your head but your heart has just gotten in the way. I think if you can patch-up your relationship, you might be able to remain friends but you can forget a love-match. Be realistic and face facts; gay people fall in love with other gay people and you are just the wrong gender…
